What does it mean to relate to someone? To truly understand one's feelings is called empathy. One way to show this, is by feeling the pain and sorrow that wounded up in the heart of the person who lost their loved one. When someone tells me they missed someone and that they wish that person could come back again, I feel their sadness.
I was in the 6th grade when my uncle got a phone call from the Philippines, saying that my cousin had passed away. She was the same age as me, 11. I have only been to the Philippines twice − in Kindergarten and in the 1st grade. Her name was Jilleane Marie, but I called her JM for short. I didn't know her much, since she lived far away. I remember myself teaching hand games I’ve learned back then and passing it onto my other distant cousins. When my uncle called me over, he was still on the phone. He hung up after and there was complete silence between the two of us. I didn’t know why, but I felt that there was something he needed to tell me, though he was hesitant. I just stood there like I always did, never saying a word until spoken to.
My heart skipped a beat as he spoke his first words, “Desiree…don’t get too surprised,” he began slowly. “Remember your cousin...JM? She passed away a few hours ago.”
I stood there, speechless and I nodded. “Oh...maybe it was her time and God planned this so she wouldn't suffer anything throughout her life,” I thought. Uncle gave me a tight hug and told me everything will be alright. Instead of crying myself to sleep, I took in the many possibilities of what caused her death. No one really told me anything because they didn't think a mere child like me would understand.
I was in the 6th grade when my uncle got a phone call from the Philippines, saying that my cousin had passed away. She was the same age as me, 11. I have only been to the Philippines twice − in Kindergarten and in the 1st grade. Her name was Jilleane Marie, but I called her JM for short. I didn't know her much, since she lived far away. I remember myself teaching hand games I’ve learned back then and passing it onto my other distant cousins. When my uncle called me over, he was still on the phone. He hung up after and there was complete silence between the two of us. I didn’t know why, but I felt that there was something he needed to tell me, though he was hesitant. I just stood there like I always did, never saying a word until spoken to.
My heart skipped a beat as he spoke his first words, “Desiree…don’t get too surprised,” he began slowly. “Remember your cousin...JM? She passed away a few hours ago.”
I stood there, speechless and I nodded. “Oh...maybe it was her time and God planned this so she wouldn't suffer anything throughout her life,” I thought. Uncle gave me a tight hug and told me everything will be alright. Instead of crying myself to sleep, I took in the many possibilities of what caused her death. No one really told me anything because they didn't think a mere child like me would understand.
Hey Desiree,
ReplyDeleteThe organization of your essay was good. Your first paragraph (introduction) leads the reader right into your story of emapathy. You also explained what empathy means pretty well.
Your story of empathy was good. I can empathize on your loss of your cousin.
I also think that you should add a conclusion and just summarize what empathy means one more time and why your story relates to empathy.
Overall, you had a good idea of what to write for empathy.
-Kristen
Okay desiree lets start with the positive details about your essay. I liked how you were descriptive and added that example to describe how empathy meant to you. You were descriptive and I could picture everything going on in my head. Alright now for the critquing. Okay I think you need to add how empathy means to you and what that meaning means to you. You also should add the other theme, interdependence. You didn't mention interdependence in any part of your essay and that should be added. Write about some examples of interdependence, what it means to you, and how it has affected your life. Lastly, you shouldn't put a question in your introdution paragraph instead just write the answer to your question.
ReplyDeleteAlrighty, I hope that helped!
-Angela