After an 8-10 hour trip from the Philippines to Hawaii, Uncle Ben was ready to come home and be showered with hugs and fresh, purple orchid leis. Back then i was in the second grade. I was curious to know what was going on. Uncle Ben then told me stories of his exhausting trip and later, how he wasn't satisfied with the airplane food, since it was a little too bland. As I listened attentively, he and I drank milk and munched on cookies. When uncle moved here he was only 15 and he told me about taking cooking classes in his junior year. My uncle didn't like cooking, but he said that he enjoyed making people happy with his food.
It was a fine September day and my mom and younger brother's birthday was just around the corner. Before the big day, Uncle Ben spent time to prepare the dessert and to surprise us with his cooking. When I was younger and even today, I was the one chosen to taste-test the food. At first, I hesitated to try the leche flan because it seemed knew to me and so I sniffed the food.
Uncle Ben exclaimed, "Why you smelling the food. Why you cat?!"
I giggled. It was one of those times when my uncle and I shared special moments. When the party started, I gobbled the food as fast as I could. After eating, I headed back to the dessert line and got two or three pieces of leche flan on my plate. It's golden-brown top, oval-shaped appearance, and sweet taste wanted me to crave more, but I knew I was done for the night.
You should explain on more about the food you are talking about, leche flan. Try explaining on how the food looked like-- colors, it shape, any comparisons on how it looked like. like something else. Also, dscribe more about how it smelled like and describe how it tasted like and why you liked the leche flan so much. (I know you did some of this things, but try elaborating more!!)
ReplyDeleteAlthough, the way you started this essay, was a nice way to start. But try to work on organization and let sentences flow to the ending.
Hi Desiree,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Traci that your essay started out nicely. You've done a good job of describing how your uncle came over from the Philippines. The bits of dialogue help to characterize him and show the relationship you had with him.
I also agree with Traci that it would be good to add more description of the food itself and of its preparation. Especially since it was something new to you, it would be good to describe it.
mrs s